oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
