You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
