We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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