I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
