my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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