Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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