I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
