yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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