Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
