Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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