you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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