R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
