I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize