Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
