I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
