Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
