Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
