life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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