I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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