the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
