I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you are never too drunk for berry picking
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
