haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
