After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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