a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
