I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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