Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
