He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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