I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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