being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
