im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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