what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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