I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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