Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
