Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
