You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
