Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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