Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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