well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
