My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
