i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
