i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
