I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
