Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this just has baby written all over it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
