Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
