If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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