I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
