you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
