ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
