do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will be naked everywhere
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
