This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
