He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
