I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me