I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER