2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close