i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that