His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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