I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
