You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
