ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
