This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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