Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
