Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
