hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
