My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
