Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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