The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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