16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
