How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
